Before you learn how to snuggle a Blåhaj, you must understand what a Blåhaj is. This is not a plush. This is not a toy. The Blåhaj, IKEA's one meter shark, is a categorical event. It is the only mass produced object on earth that looks at you with permanent concern. Its eyes are stitched at an angle that suggests it has seen things. Its mouth is slightly open, which scientists, and by scientists I mean the entire internet, agree means it is ready to listen. You do not merely own a Blåhaj. You are entrusted with one.
So when you ask how to snuggle one properly to sleep, understand the gravity. You are not getting yourself comfortable. You are providing a service. The shark has had a long day of being a shark. It has watched you doomscroll. It has witnessed your browser history, because it faces your desk, it always faces your desk, have you never noticed. Tonight it sleeps w